a WAKE ning

Tuesday, Jenn's wake is tonight and I am heading to Attleboro. Before I go i fill my tires with air they were incredibly low (and so am I).
I flip on my GPS and start the 75 minute journey to the land of cults and christmas shrines.
I am anxious about the drive, I haven't done this before. It's scary and yet i don't care anymore. So what if a BST (big scary truck) hits me and I careen off the highway? Sure would spare me the grief of the next couple of days.
I arrive and my mother in law and sister in law Wendy are completing a photo collage. there are of course pictures of Chris. I cry when I see them....It hurts that he is not here and yet why would I even want that? Why not spare him the pain of burying his sister. He looks so young and healthy in some of the picyures my heart,soul and physical body aches for him.....I just want to reach out to where ever he is and just touch him.....The ache is real and it hurts so so bad. I start to sob. Donna, my mother in law comes over to comfort me. If I can't have Chris Wiswall at least I can have Donna Wiswall. I can't believe she is comforting me. she not only has lost her husband but her only son and now her daughter. How he can even breathe is beyond me. I would have killed myself by now, even if I had other kids, they would have to understand.
I brought some stuff for lunch and it is a godd thing because when stressed I need to cook, and so i do. Some turkey meatballs with polenta. Donna and Wendy seemed to like it. I started to clean out Donna's fridge. She had a lot of moldy jars of tomato sauce and out of date food. I felt bad but what did I expect? Donna is in major grief mode and truth be tole her husband did all the cooking. And even though we just finished lunch I decide to make a snack before we leave for the wake in 3 hours (Hamburg sliders with some frozen hamburger and leftover Thanksgiving rolls).

We all change into our receiving line outfits, eat a slider or two and i drive to the funeral home. I have been here before....Mark Hall's parents? Darryl's mother?
It is an old funeral home we are there an hour early.