Horrible day today.....it started sunny and the day darkened and ended with a mighty rainstorm. Again the outside weather mirrors my inner weather. I was almost this side of half of ok this morning and now at 6 PM I am suicidal. I can't go on any longer I don't want to and I don't care. I am not acting on it, It is just a feeling but it is very strong.
I went to Kendra's ( friend's daughter ) birthday. I was an hour late because I really didn't want to go. The only thing that motivated is that I could probably have a beer with Shawn while I was there. I left the house at 1:45 for a 2 o clock party. And I had to go to the mall to get a present. I arrived at 3 bringing my next door neighbor's daughter with me. I honestly didn't think I could go by myself. As it was I cried when anyone asked me how I was doing. So labile....what is going on? This sucks. Please ground open up and swallow me whole. I came home after an hour exhausted and now and trying to hit on the right music to get me out of this funk. Nothing is working it is 6 PM I could just go to bed, but am not tired at all. I just want this to be over, but there really is no end in sight.
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