What happens when you take the Chris out of Christmas?

It's just a mess..............

Driving home, it's not even thanksgiving......and someone on Lothrop Street has their Christmas lights out and on.....Red, green and white mini twinkle lights wrapped in an zig zag pattern on their deck. Oh no, I think, then my eyes well up, and I start to cry silently in the car...Christmas without Chris, I knew it was coming, but now it's here, at least at 101 Lothrop Street anyway. Why? I am trying to avoid this, even booked the DC trip today, although I had to leave Christmas day which means waking up in my empty bed on Christmas morning, oh is that going to suck.
I always HATED Christmas. Maybe it was the drunken mother pulling down the Christmas tree one year, or the fighting and arguing and the inevitable increase in the violence, always a holiday tradition. Maybe it is just the commercialism or that I stink at present buying.
Or maybe my expectations were always too high.
Until I met Mr. CHRIStmas, himself. The man whose birthday (not his fault he would say) was 5 days before Christmas. He was sensitive about not having his birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper. I knew about this since my sister's birthday was in December, oh I knew his pain and I obliged.
HE reciprocated by making everyone of our 12 Christmases together as magical as the sugar plum fairy and the ghost of Christmas future combined, It was as if could read my mind and pick presents that I sweetly desired or wanted but didn't know they existed.
Everything from trimming the tree with the music blaring to hanging the Santa that spun around the room. He loved it all, his Rudolph "set" "Eat papa eat". The light displays outside that would change every year, the trips to the Christmas eve store, the late nights at the mall, hiding the presents at work, the master of magic.
He made up for every bad childhood Christmas I ever had and then some.
My heart is shredding as I write this, the pain so bright and new, just like a shiny Christmas ball dangling from a pre lit tree.
I feel like the Grinch that has to find a way to cancel all this Christmas mess.....Good Grief I only saw one string of lights and I am as wet as melted snow ball.
It is only going to get worse.
Maybe I should have gone to Israel instead of DC.