Driving home from work, I had all intentions to go to the gym, but I left work late and lost my umph. At first as I made my way south tonight on the dark stretch of 128 all I wanted was to get home. The gym seemed like an unnecessary detour to my destination.It was sharply frigid this evening when I finally left the hospital and walked through the surprisingly black parking lot, feeling a little unnerved, slightly unsafe.
Home I thought would be my safe haven. As I got off the highway I drove by Andrea's house surprisingly dark at 5:30, I imagined them at Acapulco's a place we occasionally would bump into them by surprise or design on a Friday night, my emotional hiccup at the thought of a Friday night with Chris set in motion, a dread of going home to my cold empty and dark house. All of a sudden it was the last place I wanted to be. the the tears started, I have no place to go....I couldn't muster the strength for the gym now I was weeping and soggy, I can't go home, can't face the void left by my husband's death.....what can I do? I have to make the Russian Salad for a birthday party I agreed to attend.....I can't drive around all night....should I go t Salem and walk around? I have no coat, and it is so cold out, should I go sit by the ocean? I drive around aimlessly, feeling bereft, homeless, and as if there is no place that I belong.
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