It has been 29 days since my husband died. I have been awake since 6 AM it is now 10 13 AM and I have only left the bed twice (once to pee andd once for coffee). I and O. I have been crying and mostly trying not to cry and wonder why? Why did the love of my life have to die so young? and why did it take me so long to love him the way he deservedl? Why couldn't Ihave done what was needed to slay the GIST dragon. I could have forced him to Hippocrates, the man would have jumped off a building for me and yet I couldn't cure his cancer. LIFE SUCKS.
I want to not want to go on. I want to crush his leftover Oxy's and die. ( I won't because I would turn into a Gloucester wifey faster than you could say Gorton's.)
I have no motivation, yet a to do list created by death. More money than I need and more hours spent at work for what? FOR WHAT?
I have fantasies of killing some Lovett Street and Friend Steet residents before killing myself. Maybe add a CFO to the list? Set myself on fire in front of HES?
maybe I will try to get up now.............................
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