One

Adam has to sing a Simon Cowell pick. He picks Bono's "One".
I barely remember the song, although it does make an appearance on the googled "angry rock and roll songs".

Is it getting better? NO!
Or do you feel the same? YES!
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame ......WHO? Dana Farber? Dr. Morgan? Me?
Who is to blame for this tragedy and subsequent emotional devastation? The cancer? A world where cancer exists. A world that we polluted to create cancer opportunities. Who is blame? I wish I knew, because not only would I blame I would attack, expose and ruin.

One love One life

Chris and I had one amazing love and life together. That could even be a whole separate book. It was amazing that we found each other and were so so compatible and perfect, we fit together like lego pieces.......together we built a relationship that was envied by all who witnessed it.
He was the on love of my life there will never be another, despite what all the therapists and support group leaders say about rebuilding and plan b and hope for the future I have none, I want none.
When it's one need In the night
Every night before we fell asleep Chris would lean over and kiss me goodnight. It was a nightly ritual that is so huge in it's absence. I still kiss his pillow every night, hoping that it will help me sleep
it never does......

One love We get to share it Leaves you baby if you Don't care for it
did I not care enough about the seriousness of the cancer to get him to Florida faster, should we have gone to Hippocrates sooner, like 3 years ago? Was I a afraid that I would not be able to sustain such rigorous dietary changes?

Did I disappoint you?
By not figuring out a way to beat GIST? or did I disappoint you by not living a better way? The work, the alcohol, the food, the fixations, the multitasking. Were they all part of how disappointed you were in me. Is that how the cancer got a foothold in your liver? Were you just to disappointed to fight any harder?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth? You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without.
Now that your gone I am without love, without the total acceptance I once had with you. Without someone who cares what time I get home, if I ate diner what kind of day I had.
Too late Tonight To drag the past out into the light
What does all this mental anguish get me? I can't bring him back, not only is he dead, but cremated, which makes reanimation out of the question. I sometimes regret the cremation for just that reason.There is nothing of him left except for the lock of hair Lindsey cut for me minutes after he died.
We're one, but we're not the same
We are still one in my heart, but we are not the same. I am here and you are.....? where?I get the sense you won't tell me because you know I might come after you.
We get to Carry each other Carry each other One
Are you carrying me? Are you influencing song choices on AI? Are you making sure the TV works so I can live from week to week, waiting for the final outcome of AI when Adam will surely be crowned Season 8 great.
How do I get to carry you? Carry on with out you? Is that enough? Is that how it is supposed to work? Is it? I ma to carry one with your memory in my head and your picture around my neck. That's all I get and yet it feels even to heavy to carry just that.

Did I ask too much? More than a lot.
Was it too much to ask for us to live til we were old? That we live til we retire?
That I get one more year. month week, day, hour with you?
You gave me nothing,
nothing but love
Now it's all I got
the memory of love
You say Love is a temple Love a higher law
So someone told me that Love never dies, now that you are dead, that's all I have the memory of your love, because I sure don't feel anything in the here and now.
And I can't be holding on To what you got When all you got is hurt
And when I think of the way you loved me it hurts too much because it is gone. All it does is hurt. I sometimes imagine that Chris never happened, that I woke up in my house and it was transformed. That way I don't have to feel in memory the splendorthat was us.