cried on and off all day......so hard couldn't catch my breath. Lying in bed wating Tina Tuurner movie.......screaming (like Ike) I can't do this don't make me do this I want you I need you to come back..............I can't do this, just like I told you 3 weeks before you died. I won't be able to go on I said, you will you said you have so many friends .......oh no I will sit in the bedroom and drink myself to death...........oh come one you said somethinh you repeated the day before you died when i lost it feeding you a popsicle. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO US? it hurts so bad..like a rhinocerres on my chest (what it should be an elephant??)oh my gaod if it werenot for the love of you life lying next to me I would off myself ( if I had a ready gun....)
I cried so much today I could have watered the garden without a hose.
WHY WHY WHY what did I do to piss off the gods? why wasn't my cildhood punishment enough? if this is what the rest f my life is gonna be like forget it. first dave then bob now this GOD SUCKS. I WANT TO DIE
but not before I clean up the house
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