so Samhain, the feast of the pagans the new year.....it is when the veil between the spirit world and the human world is at its thinnest. Is that when Chris will be known to me? will I feel anything then? it's only 3 months away......
I never feel him around me. I sometimes think I feel something, but I am not sure what it is.
Is it just a chil or the memory of a warm embrace? Is it just wistful thinking on my part? Does it matter anyway? To feel him but be able to touch him, hear him taste him it doesn't seem like it would ever be enough. The longing I have grow stronger every day. I am still making plans in my head to tidy everything up so I can leave the earthly plain.....that's when it struck me. If I kill myself on Halloween or Samhain would the viel be thin enough for Chris to reach out and grab my soul. No 49 days of Buddhist waiting, just jump out of this like and be with him in his. and what is his? I have no sense of it whatsover......is he energy? particles? wandering around with his father?what ? and what would I be? where would we be? better than here.
better than crying half the time and the other half trying not to. better than being here with all the nitwits that are left. No one gets me, no one ever will.
Look out Jack o Lantern, my time may come.
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