Monday, August 17, 2009

August 17th. Hospice Homework write to Chris

Dear Chris:
I miss you so much. I am so sorry that I/we/they couldn't fix your GIST. I am so sad that your life was cut short and that you are missing so much (but then I didn't know that you even care about that from wherever you are right now. I miss you, I miss being with you, loving you and most of all being loved by you. You were the most wonderful, caring, generous, funny, sexy,smart, kind, introspective, clever,ingenious man I have ever ever known or could imagine for that matter. My life is so fucking empty without you I can't bear it sometimes. I want you back, impossible. If not then I don't want to be apart of the world. I will just be solitary, alone til I die because you were all I ever wanted. You and life we created. Together of course. You were the architect. I was merely the happy worker, partner and observer. You gave me so much in our trips, in our home and in my heart. I wonder though what is it all about. Was it too good? Too perfect to last longer than a dozen years. If it was less than that would it have lasted longer. If I was more of what you needed would you have been able to live longer;would you have wanted to? Oh Chris my heart is breaking into smaller pieces every day. Iache for you, I hunger for you; your company, your conversation the easiness we had together. I can't believe our love affair is over; cut short without reason. I miss you. I love you.
Karen

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