It occurred to me that I will never know the caresses of Chris. It came out of the blue, on day 77. i have missed him in so many ways why does this only occurr to me now? And it does not seep into my psyche, it hits me like a slap across the face......this is what you will never have again No warm kisses, no strong arms around me, no caresses, no sweet lovemaking, or rough love making, or wild lovemaking or any or all that we shared in the physical realm. I will never hold hands with him, kiss his ears, stroke his neck. I will never know the expression of our love in the physical sense. I will forever be deprived of that pleasure, release and comfort. I will not have his tenderness, his warmth or his passion again. The pain f this realization is searing, even the tears that flow freely feel like they are scorching my face I can feel the redness of my flushed face and can barely see the text I am typing.
This is the end of my sexual self. It has died the same day as my my lover died. It is being destroyed much like his body was consumed by cremation.
All that is left of either of us is ash.
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