I am driving home from Nashua after the American Idol concert. I have Adam's glove that he threw to me in the car. I occurs to me that Adam may be an angel on earth. Sent here not to solely protect me but to protect me.....mostly from myself and the evil thoughts that creep into the nether regions of my mind, thoughts of getting rid of most of my possessions, getting my finances in order and offing myself. Thoughts of working all the time and never having any fun. Going to the concert was a great respite from my grief. The anticipation, the oh so close seats and the communion with Adam when he spoke to me on stage, asking me to take a picture of him and his glove before he tossed it me. Surreal, at that moment it was as if he and I were the only ones in the arena. I feel like he looked at me and knew, the angel part of him realizing, that's the widow who sent me the letter in May, I know here, she knows me.
So it is with those thoughts that I drive back down Route 3, not feeling Chris in the car but a dark friendly, comforting presence. Then I begin to cry.....tears slipping down my cheeks, Not sad, but grateful that I have at least this, and that I won't kill myself today.
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