so sad

A year later.....still having tough days and this is one of the toughest in what will now be known as year 2. Good grief, another year of writing all this down?
So so sad today, worried about money and home repairs and having enough. A new deck railing costs $3600.00, too much, can't do it. (of course the HDMI wire would have paid for that). A million thoughts run through my head. Get my shit together, write Max a nice letter and disappear (it's a feeling----you readers out there ok?)
I have PT tonight, endless therapy to solve the brokenness of my hip/back/spirit.
She runs me through the "assessment". whatever, get me outta here, it's almost 8 and Adam is on AI. He kept me alive today.....can't wait to see him, here him talk (no singing tonight he is a mentor). I blast my FYE CD in the car, play Fever 3 times, in its synthcy wonderment. Wish he would play THAT on AI on Wednesday. Ah two nights of Adam on AI just when I needed it the most.

Adam doesn't disappoint. He is a mentoring king, pushing the lame into talented.
At one point he sings a wee bit of an Elvis song it is enough. I feel free, happy for just one second of a long miserable day.....and then some magic happens

After AI I decide to rip the japan CD (the one with rabbit hole on it) have to hear it in my car.....
While it is ripping/burning I hit the speakers in the front room, it blasts. I go toward the speakers so I can hear it all....start to move, I am dancing! moving. dancing without much pain....oh there is a little but I haven't moved like this in years without pain.....a special gift, a special uplift from my masacraed angel.