Group today. Toward the end Stephanie asked me how I was doing. Immediately thought of a picture I had found on Google. I shows a SUV not unlike mine completely encased in ice. Unmovable. That is how I feel. The landscape inside me is frozen, barren hard as the winter ground. It started when it started to sink in that Chris is not coming back. I am losing that feeling of something might happen to change things. The realization seeps into my brain like ice water, filling every crevice and crack in my brain. It is a cold realization, so cold like nothing I have ever felt. It seeps down inside the walls of my body immobilizing me, freezing me. The truth frozen solid, unshakable, unable to be broken. The cold hard facts. Death is cold, reality is often seen as harsh, as in cold harsh light of day. I see it now, for what it is. A barren white tundra represents my future. It is no wonder I crawl into bed every chance I get. My core is frozen with he knowledge that this is it.
I hate the winter. I hate this.
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