3 days til one year. A whole year without you ....unbelievable and I survived....barely. Oh ok, I survived, but didn't thrive. I came out the on the other side. I hurt, I miss you but I still had time for friends occasionally, I went to a few social things (Jack and Sammy's birthdays).
It is a roller coaster, one minute I am level the next minute I drop down, down, down into the vortex of pain. My hip feels slightly better so I can feel more emotional pain, just in time....are you lifting the pain so I can feel my heartache more?
I wished I had written more about that last week at home. Some parts are clear, others foggy. I was frightened of losing you, and yet you were slipping away. I thought the lactulose would help you wake up, but it didn't make you vibrant.
I feel heavy with sadness, yet hopeful that the dinner will bring some lightness.
I talked to Lynne tonight. we talked more about the dream. We are very close and I feel you through her. She knew you so well, so much better than I did in some ways. You truly were like minded. How funny that we are such good friends, now. I remember when we were first dating, how important it was for us to meet. And how we were instant friends,,,,,,how nice that she is here for me. A special gift.
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