FML

I Hate My Life. Hate Hate Hate. Pretty Hate Machine. Can you tell this is a bad day? Immense pain all day, cry at my desk nears tears all day kind of pain. Searing hip pain, limping crushing mind altering pain. Took an Oxy -no relief. Want to end my life so I can't feel this kind of pain. Too bad I had to borrow my son's truck or I would have driven my car over the Annisquam bridge.
I cried on and off all day today, the pain, the helplessness the what do I have to live for. FUCK. I am done. I have had enough. Maybe I would feel different if I didn't hurt so much. But I can't do anything. The tulips are up but they won't last long covered by leaves. I tried to rake the leaves off and was rewarded by pain running up and down my leg. It's too much.
I am doing everything I can to help myself
My therapist thinks the pain is from my grief.
The medical intuitive thinks it is from carrying Chris' cancer.
The chiropractor thinks it is from sublaxation.
The acupuncture thinks it is my gall bladder
My PCP thinks it is my back.
The back Doctor thinks it is bursitis in my hip
The orthopd thinks it is arthritis.
Can't anyone agree? Can't anyone help the bereaved widow take care of her emotional pain which is severe being sublimated by this physical pain?
If I have to deny my grief process much longer..............
you make this all go away, you make this all go away.
I am down to just one thing and I am starting to scare myself.
I just want something I can never have.......
My
Life
Back.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.