Vault

Long day at work......Huge success at the 11th hour placing an unplaceable patient, tired but happy. I offer the PT a ride home, with a caveat that he would have to stop at the grocery store first as I am having a party for Mac---he is engaged. Doogie (the PT) doesn't know Mac but he is happy for a ride to the train even though it involves a trip to the grocery store first!
He is a happy person and it is infectious, he runs up and down the isles expediting my list, milk, pie crust garlic. all missed with the first pass through all brought by Steve (his real name)
I drop him off at the depot and go home to cook. I admire the kitchen, and I start, wild rice in , veggies chopped
I decide to turn on the vault after all we will need music tomorrow, more than just my tinny radio,
I actually manage to turn on the vault,hit the TV and the receivers....what to play?
Jim has it all alphabetized different than Chris....so I pick an "A" Aaron Neville, he is first in the list....
I hit on and it plays in the back room,but not in the front, i tweak the knobs til I hear it in the front I move to the front room and I hear it.... the music, it fills the house.
All of a sudden I crack,I crumble. the music is loud, it fills all the empty spaces in the house.
I haven't played music in so long it overwhelms me. This is a gift from Chris.
I lose it, I sob I hold onto the door jamb between the two rooms. I realize what I have lost and it cuts through me. It hurts. I feel like I am being split into two.
I love Aaron Neville and his music has always been so beautiful to me and now I am overwhelmed. I can barely hang on to the door jamb, I am crying, screaming and sobbing.....there are no words just sheer and raw pain, like a wounded animal wanting to be killed I cry until i can't cry anymore.....